An Awful and Glorious Thing

5.20.13  An Awful and Glorious Thing

Yesterday morning, I was out on my front patio in the sunshine, planting seeds and flowers.  Of  course, the first phase of my project required that I make space for all of these new little lives by clearing out what was no longer alive. And so I did, being very careful not to disturb any plants that were still living, no matter how long and spindly their stems had become. I was amazed at how much joy this simple act was giving me–this  welcoming of new life to grow around me!  That is, until the awful happened.

There is a pot that I’d  hung years ago from a tree branch that graciously extends itself over my front patio. I fill it with flowers. Every spring, I prune them (oh so gently!), and add some new ones to the mix. This spring, however, when I glanced up at the pot while raking fallen leaves, I was surprised to see that there didn’t appear to be any life left in it at all! From my glance, all I saw was quite a large accumulation of old, dead leaves, dropped from the gracious tree that holds it. So, I decided to lift the the pot off the tree’s limb in order to fill it with NEW soil for NEW life… and as I did, a tremendous flutter of alarm reverberated through me like shock waves.  Had I not managed to grab onto the arm of a patio chair (bruising  knuckles  in a scrape against concrete as I flailed for it), they would have knocked me to the ground.

The sound of the flutter came from the wings of a female dove, flying out of the pot. The feel of the flutter was her frantic fear for survival–and not only for herself. As I looked about me while getting my own bearings, I saw a broken egg on the ground of the concrete floor of my patio, with its contents spilled out. Amongst the yellow was the tail of an embryo–one of her unborn children, suddenly aborted, as if by a monster from out of the blue. And that monster was me.

I cannot tell you how hard this hit me. You see, for several years, doves have brought their fledglings to my patio, as a safe place to kearn to fly. Often, I have sat out there with both fledgling and mother during the process. They have come to trust me, so much so that they even try, sometimes, to come into my house! When I open the windows on any floors of my home that face that patio, they often bang against the screens in their trying, which concerns me so for their safety tbat I usually don’t open those particular windows at all.

Yet, never did it occur to me that one of them (or maybe two, as mother doves sometimes share one nest), would actually bear children in one of my flowerpots! I go out on my patio all the time, and often with friends (except when I know a fledgling is there, of course)–whoosh goes the sliding door!–and out we tumble with our loud voices and sometimes boisterous laughter. But the doves know that. We know one anothers’ routines quite well by now, the doves and I, so it seemed too “counter-instinctive” to me  that any would ever feel safe building a nest in such a humanly frequented area. Obviously, I was wrong.  At least one mother dove did feel safe enough with me to do so. And that made my careless betrayal of her trust all the more heinous.

Needless to say, I did not have a good afternoon. I was in a conbination of horror, shock, and grief. I was on trial for murder before a prosocut0r, judge, and jury that were appalled by my crime, and all of them were me. Finally, I managed to call my son, a fellow animal lover…and my own child. Lest I bury my crime within me as a shameful, unforgivable, secret forever, I forced myself to sob out my confession of this unspeakably awful thing I had done.

He gave me the counsel I needed, and that only someone who knows my heart with his own could give me. First of all, he was spectacularly unmoved by “the drama of it all,” which was beautiful. From a completely neutral perspective, he gave me the objective “facts” about the situation from every angle, which helped  me get a (much needed!) grip on them, myself. But he also knew that, for “the me that I am,” the emotional crisis was very real as well.

In addition to my own inner quagmire, my concern that the mother dove(s) would abandon the remaining eggs was great, and we talked about how to encourage her/them with birdseed, where to put it, etc., etc. So, I went downstairs with my bag of birdseed, crept outside to sprinkle some on the patio ledge, then eased my way back inside. Once in, even though it was twilight and hard to see, I peered out through the glass door for some reason, at what I now knew to be a nest. And that was the glorious part.

There, sitting in the flower pot, I saw the exquisitely delicate outline of a white dove. Her slender neck and long, pointed beak so finely etched that it made my heart ache. Her eyes so round and deep as she gazed back at me that it brought tears to my own. She was back! Back to warm her children into life. Back to put her trust in me again, in spite of what I had done. Back because it was the only choice she could make and still be who she is. And…because she came back to my patio with nothing but love and trust to guide her there, I felt forgiven, and forgivable….and so I came back, through her guidance, to myself, with love and trust, as well.

*

Copyright(c) Judith Dagley-All Rights Reserved.

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27 Comments

  1. I share the same relationship with doves in my yard too, so I can totally relate to how you’re feeling. They often nest on our house and also try to come into the house. I’m so sorry you had to experience that…you did not mean to harm them and would never do so intentionally. Your Love shines through and All is Forgiven :-).

    Love ❤

    Reply
  2. Thanks for this story Judith! And thanks for sharing your son’s perspective re: animals!

    Reply
  3. Dear Judith,
    Thank you!! I accidently ran over a squirrel a few years ago and felt the same. Thank you for the lovely conclusion.
    Blessings, Sparkles, and Hugs,
    Brenda

    Reply
    • Thank YOU, Brenda, for clasping my outstretched hand with your own. And you are most welcome for the lovely conclusion. But that was only the beginning– I’m “Auntie Judith” now! Lol! (Aren’t the Laws of Resonance grand?)
      Much fizzy Love/Light to You–Judith

      Reply
  4. Reblogged this on the celestial team and commented:

    Hello, Beloved! We asked our Judith to share her poignant tale with you because it richly illustrates SO MUCH of what we share with you through our messages–and all through one, deeply felt, human experience. You will find it to be a fine example of the Laws of Resonance at work, for one thing! Also, of the interconnection, and so interdependency, of all earth creatures–which of course, includes the human ones. And, of the importance of reaching out to one another–whather as an act of asking to receive, or as an act of giving–AND of the importance of responding. Whether to offer help to one who asks, or to acknowledge the receiving of what one has given, this IS a critical part of sovereign responsability– response-ability in action. It is also a very important topic for discussion, for it pertains to caring for the energy circuits that run between you, so we will pick that up very soon! For NOW, simply take in this human tale, and feel all that you can within it that deepens, clarifies, opens, affirms, and/or expands your own understanding. Then, both ground your insights and return the energy given by Judith in this post by RESPONDING. Share yourself in the comment section, as she has shared herself with You. And then…see/feel the meaning and power of being response-able for YourSelf!
    We love you, Always and in All Ways–the celestialo team.

    Reply
  5. Powerful, touching story, Judith. I appreciate your sharing this very personal experience with us. I was moved, and related to your emotion way more than I thought I would, or could. But NOW, in Light of the reality that we are all growing so radically empathic with each other as we merge towards Oneness, the fact that your story pulled tears from my eyes is no longer so surprising to me as it once might have been. 🙂

    Reply
    • Thank you from my heart for sharing your response, Waverider1. To the extent that we allow the merging into Oneness to flow, we feel for, with, and through one another. And so it is! ♥♥♥

      Reply
  6. Brian O'Neil

     /  May 22, 2013

    We had a bird fall down the fireplace chimney once and had a difficult time catching it without harm. In the end a laundry basket and a piece of cardboard made a trap of sorts. When we released the poor soot covered creature outside and it flew away (soot flying everywhere) we could feel it’s relief and joy and it was like a mystical experience

    Reply
    • Thank you for your heartfelt response, Brian, and I sure hear you! A couple of times in the past, a bird has come into the house I was living in through the chimney, and I could barely tolerate its panicked flying against walls. It was as if every terror at being confined in alien territory was activated within me by its own. When it finally was free to fly away, the joy I felt was not only the bird’s, but mine as well. It was definately a mystical experience.
      May we all continue to share these common revelations together, in order to see that our separate journies are actually ONE.
      ♥♥♥

      Reply
  7. Oh, Judith–the shock and the horror! I felt them, too. But of COURSE you are forgiven. (Can you ever plant in that pot again, though??) Thank you for sharing this experience with all of us. ♥ ♥ ♥

    Reply
    • Sonia, thank you from my heart for your empathic response. And hopefully, I never WILL be able to plant in that pot again. Hopefully, every spring from this one forward, the nest that is already there will bear NEW life!
      (We’re all doing fine, btw. I ventured out to plant a little more today, for only 15 min. or so. Mom was on the nest, I was doing my thing, and all felt peaceful and intact–like family at its finest!)♥♥♥

      Reply
  8. Sky*

     /  May 22, 2013

    Dear Judith:
    Thank you so much for your lovely and moving story. I can relate because many years ago I was driving my car and hit a bird. My heart sunk and I was a mass of blubbering, sobbing emotions when I got home. I also felt like a murderer and that night begged forgiveness of that darling little bird. While reading your story I finally got it! It’s all about “Forgiveness” not only for what we did, and feeling sorry, but putting ourselves in the birds place. If they can forgive us we can forgive others too. . . . also we must learn to forgive ourselves for things that go wrong, and we had only good intensions. Thank you for sharing . . . .
    May you be comforted & really feel the forgiveness, Sky*

    Reply
    • Bless you, Sky, for resopnding to me by sharing your own story, and so your empathy. My sense is that you are right that it is our intentions that bear fruit. All the rest are opportunities to clear beliefs that block self-love… and so LOVE…period.
      Muvh Love/Light to you! ♥♥♥

      Reply
  9. My dear Judith–Thank you so much for your beautiful, tender words in sharing. I felt as if I was there! And after I read the CT’s response, the dynamics of the Oneness of All became even more clear to me. Your efforts are so deeply appreciated! I send you love.

    Reply
    • Thank you from my heart, Mary, for sharing your own heart’s response. I’m so glad you saw the nultidimensional dynamics of Oneness that were layered within my experience. Please stay in the “conection loop” with the celestial team and I! You are of great value, and we appreciate you very, very, nuch. ♥♥♥

      Reply
  10. Madonna

     /  May 22, 2013

    Oh, I would’ve been crushed too! I have never had this happen to me or hit a poor creature with my car (and pray I don’t), but would have cried my eyes out and asked for forgiveness as well. There have been times when I feel I have neglected my dog (definitely unintentional!) and asked him to forgive me for not seeing his needs. The animals ALWAYS forgive….such divine souls! God bless you, Judith, for your loving heart. I’m crying with you. ❤

    Reply
    • Thank you for sharing your compassionate response, Madonna. God bless YOUR lloving heart, as well! ♥♥♥

      Reply
  11. Thank You for this Love story, I know that is a very hard thing to go through but Birds as well as animals know what you are feeling. I feel that people in genereral do not give enough credit to the Earth Angels of Unconditional Love. Much Love and Light to you and enjoy the baby’s that she will share with you. Also the other Dove is the father Doves Mate for life 🙂

    Reply
    • Jewls–Yes, I am also certain that animals know what we are feeling. In truth, ALL of we “earth creatures” are connected by invisible threads. Thank you for sharing your compassion–as well as your good wishes for my little dove family and me. I’m very excited about the baby that will soon be born, and in spite of what happened, really do feel like “part of the family” now! I’m even planning to spread something thick and soft beneath the nest, just in case the baby should fall… Just call me Auntie Judith, lol! ♥♥♥

      Reply
  12. Sage

     /  May 23, 2013

    Judith, I empathically felt your sadness, guilt and remorse for the ‘unintentional’ incident with your dove friend. I also felt her immediate ‘forgiveness’ for she knows that life in this dense 3D experience within this narrow band of reality is fragile business, and ‘also’ that the spirit can never be lost. The soul of that baby chick could very well be gestating as we speak; soon to be a spunky little baby elephant preparing to grace the Serengeti plains with yet more Gaian Love!!
    Your story is a synchronistic teaching! One that morphs from 3D emotionality to 5D Understanding! Thank You! Be at Peace Sage

    Reply
    • Beautiful!!!! I love your expanded vision, Sage! It resonates with and encourages the most expansive aspects of my own. I thank you for that exhilaration.
      Much Love/Light to You–Judith

      Reply
  13. Rita Kempf

     /  May 23, 2013

    Your experience is a heartbreaking one for an animal lover. One consolation Judith, is to remember that by providing nutrition for the mother, you allowed more eggs to be laid and more birds to fledge. Nature can be cruel; that is why birds lay so many eggs. The attrition rate for baby birds is very high. Even though there was one horrible experience for you, on balance, remember that you are doing WAY more good than bad for all the birds. 🙂
    Also, by sharing your story, you remind us all to be aware of bird nests and tiptoe carefully around the garden. By reminding us to be careful, you may have saved bunches of babies!

    Reply
    • Thank you, Rita. Your words are wise and true. Within every “tragedy,” there is always a greater meaning, purpose, and potential for joy to be found–IF we seek to find it. I am so gald that You do!
      Much Love/Light to You–Judith

      Reply
  14. Katie

     /  May 23, 2013

    This story is such a great reminder that nothing we do is “wrong.” These opportunities bear the fruits of our existence. Thank you also for reminding me that compassion (no matter its origin) is powerful enough to level the playing field on the old paradigm of existence. What a gift you received from that dove in return for the gifts you had been providing to her, reflective of the equal respect, trust, understanding and compassion between you. Thank you for sharing this Judith, and thank you for all of your good work (I know the dove was thinking the same)!!

    Reply
    • Thank you, Katie. Bess your compassionate heart. And it thrills me to read the expansiveness of your vision!
      Much Love/Light to you,
      Judith

      Reply
  1. Judith Dagley – An Awful And Glorious Thing – 21 May 2013 | Lucas 2012 Infos
  2. Judith Dagley: An Awful and Glorious Thing | The Aquarius Paradigm

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